I had picked up this book Committed sometime in 2006. And by now I had almost forgotten what made me buy this book. The reason I picked up this book to read is that recently I had a conversation with a friend who is shit scared to commit. And I somehow thought of peeping into the male mind and gaze why do they run away from committing even when they actually want to. It is a book written by male authors of America. About their personal relationships, specifically their marriages. There are about 17 authors who have shared their very personal accounts of their relationships with most important women in their lives.
Not many people would have the courage or the inclination to give so many details from their personal lives. Along with an analysis of why they went about in a particular way with their relationships. Why they were willing or not willing to commit themselves. And what made them commit and what happened after they actually said ‘I do’.
It is interesting to read how all these authors describe their personal relationships. There are some for whom their parents’ fairy tale romance becomes a benchmark for their own marriage. There are some who get married as usual without any particular thought behind it. But actually, get bonded when they face a family trauma together. There are some who run away as they have seen their parents going separate ways. And have seen that trauma at a tender age and hence see no point in committing. For some, it is just a matter of timing and some serendipity that they end up committing only to realize it later that they have actually done it.
There are some who get married to the first girl that they meet at a very early age. And realize that they have no friends who advise them on the day to day life. But at the same time, they feel they are better off friends who marry late. And find it difficult to adjust themselves with another person around them. There are those who marry pretty late, even by New York standards. And face awkward situations because of their age. There are some who fall in love and keep waiting for that person to respond without making a move. Only to realize that the other person has moved on.
For some committing is a default option, based on their notions, perceptions. And for others, it pops out of nowhere. For some, it is a way to deal with their loneliness, for others, it just happened. For some, that’s the way life has to be. But one thing that comes out as an insight from the book is the amount of impact parent’s marriages has on what path their kids take when it comes to committing is probably underestimated. Parent’s behavior and attitude impact children’s decision in more ways than it shows.
It’s again one set of the autobiographical pieces that I ended up reading…. Did not expect Committed to be a great book when I started reading. But it was much better than what I expected it to be. Read if the subject interests you.
Buy this book – Committed: Men Tell Stories of Love, Commitment, and Marriage Edited by Chris Knutsen & David Kuhn at Amazon India or Amazon USA.